Already it's been four weeks into my attachment. Rather looking forward to next week when I'll have attachment to a doctor and the nurses. Sometimes I think the job is like stuck in a rut, especially with monotonous packing and packing and packing. the perks seem few and far between. Even when seeing pharmacists recommend P items, it's not like we ever practise what we've learned coz it's just not practical. There are days when some things break the monotony and I learnt new things but I've never really found it enjoyable
. I don't know what this says about my future. I wonder whether I'm even meant to be in the customer service line when I get so easily put down by nasty impatient people. Of course there are those rare smiling, courteous customers which really makes helping them worth the while, even though I'm not helping much. Like I was talking to Jon yesterday about how I may be interested in being someone in the drug information centre answering queries but then he asked how challenging would that be? And he asked me to picture myself doing something actively like being in the research lab for drugs. Before applying to university, it was a dream that I entertained. But when I evaluated myself, I'm not sure if I'm cut out for lab work at all. But I still haven't taken up a UROPS. I think the problem with me is that I don't take up things that challenge me because I'm just too complacent. and scared of failure. I think I WILL take up a UROPS next semester. The question now is which, I just viewed the project listings. There is one listed under pharmacy that will evaluate the cytotoxicity of cinnamaldehydes. That's 4 MCs. But there's another one under Microbiology which identifies host factors in mediating vascular permeability during dengue virus infection, which sounds more interesting because it has greater relevance and applicability but it's 8 MCs. Again, commitment issues.
Already it's been 2 months and a day. Reading a post on Nith's blog just echoed my sentiments. I've been putting off blogging about this but I will say it now. It's hard being suddenly out of a relationship that has lasted more than 2 years. It's hard when people think you're not too affected by it just because you don't show it on the surface, you don't know how to express it, but feel the loneliness at night, alone in bed; certain things, songs, places which trigger off the memories of a time which has passed us by and you shed tears in silence. It's hard when people ask if you truly loved that person and you don't know what love is anymore because you idealistically thought love is supposed to be eternal and all-encompassing. Love will not die even when you are filled with animosity. Love will prevail. It's hard when you long for someone to hug and hold you and whisper that he loves you, and you wonder and wonder and you are filled with doubt and uncertainty.