have been doing some thinking in the shower, and i realise that im sort of a floater, just drifting along life, not really belonging. except to him, who totally accepts me for who i am, for which i am grateful, but perhaps i am a thirsty person, i crave for more. perhaps this over-eagerness to belong somewhere spikes my sensitivity when i am being excluded, perhaps i feel it more acutely than others who feel like they don't need to be included in everything or perhaps just don't care. i've never had a really tight network of friends to fall back on, over the years i have probably retained about 2 or 3 close friends that i feel comfortable discussing anything under the sun. its quite pathetic, considering that im turning 20 at the end of this year. having said that, i have friends to call, friends to meet up with, but they are so far away, and each busy with their own lives, and i wish i have found a kindred spirit to connect with, other than him, because there's just a need for more balance, i feel. perhaps i also do not take the initiative to stay in contact with other friends, but i do try, but still i feel that i am not needed, that i always have to approach them first on msn, if not they will just ignore or forget my existence, intentional or not, that people im previously close with can just place my name under a file and store away in their minds. i live in a hall full of people, friendships take time to nurture, i know, but for now, i feel so disconnected, so alone in my thoughts...